I don't like networking. Or rather, I should say, I don't like that the simple act of holding a conversation about your career has turned into scheming maneuvers and machinations the likes of a spy novel that people employ when their career is in trouble. Not to mention the do's and don'ts, plotting techniques to get someone to share a list of contacts, follow-up etiquette and correct behavior. It's all a bit much.
It's no wonder people don't want to do it, get confused or worry they're not networking the "right" way. It's turned into a mechanical process when it's actually something quite organic. Connecting with others is in our genes.
"From birth we are connected to others ... then given support by caretakers," explains New York City psychologist Jason Greenberg. It's how we're built, and "later in life, connecting with and supporting others is a way of remaining connected to those who have taken care of us."
The need to give to others "is a natural progression," says Kit Yarrow, chair of the psychology department at Golden Gate University in San Francisco, California. Yes, indeed, "We are hard-wired for human connection," says psychologist Nancy J. Razza, adding that "the need for human contact does not end after childhood."
The people helping you get something out of it, too. For some, their self-esteem "requires that he/she helps others," says Greenberg. They even say, "I like to help people, but it's selfish, I do it for myself."
Holistic physician Dr. Rick Kirschner adds there's also "a reciprocal instinct that if we do for others, the more likely they will do for us."
I like the idea of doing what comes naturally: Connecting with and getting to know others, sharing what you know, asking others for help and helping in return. It's not that complicated. And this whole networking thing will go well if you follow these three rules:
1. Always do the decent thing. Properly thank those who have shared their time and expertise.
2. Don't wait until you need something to keep in contact.
3. Don't expect people who don't know you to drop everything to help you. Some might. Most will be more willing to connect if you've been referred by someone you know.
In a recent New Yorker article by Ryan Lizza, Chicago politician Abner Mikva tells the story of how years ago he wanted to work for Adlai Stevenson and Paul Douglas who were running for governor and senator. He says, "They sounded like such great candidates, so I stopped in to volunteer ..." saying, " 'I'm here for Douglas and Stevenson.' The ward boss came in and pulled the cigar out of his mouth and said, 'Who sent you?' And I said, 'Nobody sent me.' He put the cigar back in his mouth and said, 'We don't want nobody nobody sent.' "
The point is, even today your chances of talking to someone you don't know are much better if someone has sent you.
Just as we instinctively know we need each other to survive in life, we need each other to thrive in our careers. So do what comes naturally, do it regularly and do it with decency. It really isn't about the mechanics.
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