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OPINIONS
Diane Mufson: Many parents find they're not ready for the job
Recently, the Nebraska legislature met in emergency session. It had nothing to do with unemployment, taxes or other issues facing most state governing bodies. The legislature needed to change its safe haven law by setting a 30-day age limit for children to be legally abandoned by their parents.
The original legislation was intended to provide a safe place, such as a hospital, for newborn infants whose mothers felt they could not care for them. Because no age limit was specified, parents, including some from other states, started leaving their children and teens at Nebraska safe-haven locations.
Nebraska is no different from the other 49 states, but the relinquishment of more than 30 children in four months signals a serious problem. What few people want to acknowledge is that some parents are seriously overwhelmed by the demands and difficulties of child rearing well beyond the child's first month of life.
Years ago, before spending a summer working in Child Protective Services, before parenthood, before working at a group home and before practicing as a psychologist, I encountered a few professionals who dealt with families who assured me that once parents had children and adapted to the demands of parenthood, all would be well.
By that they meant that parents would put the needs of their children first, have reasonable patience and never do anything to inflict harm upon their offspring. Wrong. While most parents are good to their children and want the best for them, there are some who do unspeakable things to their children, while others do not or cannot provide adequate care.
Recently many newspapers carried the appalling story about a mother in Moundsville, W.Va., who used a cigarette to burn the word "wimp" into her 6-year-old daughter's neck. This child would have been much better off if she could have been brought to a safe haven center. Other cases of abuse and neglect are well known to police, medical and child protective service personnel.
Additionally, some children have such major behavioral problems that parents are exhausted by these youngsters. For many such families, there are limited options until a crisis occurs.
Our culture rightfully worries about newborn infants, who are totally defenseless and sometimes cared for by mothers with post-partum emotional difficulties. But as the Nebraska situation shows, there has not been enough concern for the plight of older children who are abused, neglected or found uncontrollable by their parents.
Many factors may account for a parent's feeling that she or he can no longer cope with his or her child. But one thing is certain. Not every single parent is capable of raising his or her children in a rational and healthy manner. Nebraska is not unique. It is just the state that happened to write its safe haven legislation in a way that made the problem visible for the nation.
Safe haven laws are now reported to exist in all 50 states, but they are specific for young infants. Our nation cannot pretend that all is well for families once children pass the age of 30 days. We need more attention and recognition to the problems illuminated by the response to Nebraska's initial safe haven legislation.
Diane W. Mufson is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Huntington. She is a citizen member of The Herald-Dispatch editorial board and a regular contributor to The Herald-Dispatch editorial page. Her e-mail is dwmufson@comcast.net.
